CRUSING THE INSIDE PASSAGE:
SUMMER VACATION 2001
By: Rice & Gerry
Date: 7/21/01
For Gerry's accounts: Click!
Ever since I began the vacation features on Rice World with Beautiful British Columbia, which highlighted my trip to the Canadian Rocky Mountains, it's become a tradition of sorts for me to chronicle my various adventures on this site, along with complementary pictures and captions. This summer, I was fortunate enough to embark on my first cruise on a newly-built luxury ship. Destination? The United States' final frontier: Alaska.
When someone thinks Alaska, their first thoughts are probably eskimo, ice, snow, and general nothingness. And they're mostly correct. Unfortunately, all those points are the antithesis to hot women in skimpy clothing. All the women on board were old, cranky Chinese ladies with tour groups who gamble their husband's fortune day and night. To those expecting to see gratuitous T&A, I'm sorry. Take a raincheck, and I'll try to deliver if I ever go on a Caribbean Islands cruise. ;)
This journey was a collaboration between the families of Gerry and I. All of us had to haul our behinds up at 5 in the morning on the day of departure to catch an early flight to Vancouver. Most of us just ended up staying up all night prior and sucked it up for the rest of the day. The flight was about 2.5 hours of phasing in and out of sleep. You know, those restless kind of naps. Really bad. So finally, we arrived and borded the almighty Infinity after going through the hassles of passports and whatnot. Yeah, baby... so it begins.
The ship itself was everything I expected and more. Walking from the gangplank into the main reception area was like walking into a castle for a king. Marble floors and stairs match fine drapery decorating the sides. Everywhere I turned there was glitter. On one side is a Baby Grand piano, and on the opposite, a harp being gently strummed by a lady professional. After boarding a transparent glass elevator with actual elevator music and arriving at our rooms, we find a compact yet cozy room with a balcony overlooking the starboard side of the Infinity.
It gets better. Onboard the ship are tons of things to occupy your leisure time. There's a movie theatre where they cycle about 6 movies every 3 days or so. There's a casino that's open to anyone 18 and over (no need to be 21) once we were in International waters. There were a handful of restaurants, ranging from stuff-yourself buffets to strangle-yourself formals. In addition, there was a small duty-free shopping area, a workout center, pools, an outdoor basketball / recreation court, arcades, champange lounges, and a Broadway musical stage theatre.
Oh, and there was a small computer lab of sorts dubbed Celebrity Online where you could go online via their unbelievably slow satellite connection. The worst part was they had the nerve to charge you nearly a buck a minute! When Gerry and I first realized that, we feverishly tried to hack a way through so it would be free to us; Me clicking around trying to find some crack in the system and him clunking around trying to physically break open the cabinet to hit the reset/power button. I can only imagine how funny we looked to a third party.
Alas, all initial efforts ended in failure. And since we have been weaned on unlimited internet, we had no choice but to fork over our dough. I spent nearly $15 bucks on one sitting(!!), because I had to choose my classes next quarter. It was like getting shot in the belly and bleeding to death slowly. It wasn't until the final evening of our week-long cruise when I accidentally stumbled upon a loophole that opened up to the world wide web... for free! I think that night we surfed for about 4 hours... like starving children gluttoning themselves in the kitchen. Too little too late, however, since we had already spent an arm and a leg's worth of money before this breakthrough. Sigh.
Besides Celebrity Online, the next thing that occupied a lot our time was the Trellis Restaurant, where we had dinner every night. There, we were treated like ambassadors from an important country, choosing from specially prepared dishes by a supposedly world-famous gourmet chef, which is part of a 5 course meal complete with dessert. The best part was that the European-trained waiters would continue to refill your water and bread ceaselessly. Yum. While we dined, various pianists and celloists covered familiar pieces ranging from Tchaikovsky to the Beatles. The cost of all this luxury was the need to wear a tie almost every night. Gag. One other annoyance: when I asked for a Coke the first night, they charged me $2 bucks! WTF? We're eating stuff like tiramisou and filet mignon for free, but they choose to charge for cheap soda?!
For the latter half of the cruise, we would all go watch Broadway musicals in the Celebrity theatre (which is separate from the movie theatre) after dinner, 'round 10. There were two traditional musicals, a piano virtuoso, and a standup / impressionist show. The musicals featured men with high pitched voices and women that reach even higher octaves. It was impressive, I guess, but since I'm not civilized enough to truly appreciate Broadway shows, that's the most I can say for it. The piano dude was this psycho looking fella' with a whack hair-do and the fastest fingers I have ever seen. Plus he was an amatuer magician. His show I think I enjoyed the most. As for the standup comedian, he mostly did impressions of people I never heard of, so I can't really tell if he's good or not. He did a killer Robert DeNiro & Pee-Wee Herman mockup job though, but a really lame Michael Jackson.
A big part of this cruise was actually time spent away from the ship. We landed in three different southern Alaskan cities: Juneau, Skagway, and Ketchikan, respectively. Juneau, as you all know, is the capital. We went on a short city tour in a bus and visited the Mendenhall Glacier. The Glacier looked incredibly dirty, which took away a lot of the visual awe. Nonetheless, it was still stunning. To close off the day, our families split up; the men embarked upon a $20 dollar tram ride ("expensive" was the main theme throughout the cruise) to the top of Mount Roberts while the women and children went shopping in downtown.
Skagway, one of the few mining towns remaining from the Yukon Gold Rush, was our second stop. The town itself was positively tiny. I think there were more people from my old high school than there were occupying the area. There was like, a 5-block Main St., and that was about it. There we embarked on this beat-down train which climbed the nearby mountains. I think it was supposed to give us an idea of the history of the gold rush, but I didn't pay really close attention. The sights that it offered was pretty nifty at first, but then it got old fast. Trees and snow can only get so interesting, afterall.
Afterwards, in the town, we redeemed free-internet coupons at a small online cafe. At that time, we still haven't figured out how to crack Celebrity Online yet, so it was a welcome relief. Plus, they had hella fast T1 lines hooked up. It was like reprieve from an endless nightmare... sort of. =P
Our final destination was Ketchikan. It was the closest to a small dirty wharf city you read in fictions like Moby Dick than any other place I've been. I must say it was an absolute bore there. Nothing to do but shop. Plus the weather was gloomy. Rain drizzled down mercilessly and my entire body was killing me from the after-effects of balling up high school white boys on the ship. I think I re-entered the Infinity after barely half an hour of trudging around the edge of the city, hence the lack of detailed pictures. Everyone else seemed to enjoy that stop, so I guess it was just me.
Another so-called highlight was the Hubbard Glacier. It's a gazillion times larger than the first glacier we visited, Mendenhall, and there was no known civilization around it (since it was so darn cold. I don't understand how Gerry can venture out everyday in shorts and sandals). I didn't find it to be too thrilling, but it seemed to excite our cruise director, Michael Thomas. He kept telling us through the PA system to look at how the glacier is "calving", meaning having chunks of it falling off. Gee, wow... ice falling off ice. A larger version of what I see that at home when I open the freezer. Yawn.
Nit-picks aside, this was basically my ultimate vacation. My family had originally planned this trip for my 8th grade graduation, except they realized just how darn expensive it was. So we kept saving and saving, so now, when it's my brother's turn to graduate, we finally get to go. Total expenses was about 5 grand total. OUCH! You really get to live the life for about a week, though. Waiters will fawn all over you, asking you every 5 minutes whether you're enjoying yourself. Your room will be made and un-made daily, and you get to see fantastic sights mother nature has to offer.
And with that, I shall let my pictures on the next page do the talking. Click to enlarge them. Enjoy!