ROUND 1
#1 Natalie Portman vs. #16 Jennifer
Connelly
After much deliberation, it has been decided that Natalie Portman automatically advances to the quarterfinals, due to a crime against humanity committed by Jennifer Connelly. What the fuck am I talking about? I'm talking about Jennifer Connelly's incredible vanishing bustline.
Many of you watched the Oscars this year and saw Jennifer Connelly's boring-ass acceptance speech. You also inevitably saw that her formerly busty bosom has now become man-pecs. What gives? I accuse her of having had a breast reduction. Shudder, I can't even utter that phrase w/o cringing.
To me, a woman has no right to deprive humanity of such a divine gift. Jennifer Connelly used to have one of the best racks in the business. Imagine my horror as I saw her on Oscar night w/ tits shrunk down to A-cups! Having a breast reduction violates the Rice World Charter, Article I, paragraph 4: "No woman who has reduced her breasts shall ever qualify for the Beeotch Contest."
The law is the law. Jennifer Connelly is officially banished from Rice World. Here's some photographic evidence to back up my accusations. You can judge for yourself:
#16 Jennifer Connelly
(Disqualified)
BEFORE:
AFTER:
#1 Natalie Portman (Winner)
Now that we've gotten past the unpleasantness, we can move on to celebrate the victory of Natalie Portman, our incumbent Miss Rice World. She seems primed for another run at the crown, especially with STAR WARS: EPISODE II - ATTACK OF THE CLONES lurking around the corner. Natalie is one of the few ladies in this contest that you can honestly say is getting better looking as she gets older. I believe she'll be the next Audrey Hepburn.
