Issue #4 (9-26-01)
by Gerry Wang

    You can now access the Gerry's Weird Shit archives by clicking here.

    I will now embark on a frequent update/less content gameplan. Thanks go out to puiggy, Rice, and Tina for their feedback on this issue. As for the rest of you............ you're forgiven! Please come back! We need you!

    This is pitiful. I think Rice and I might have to resort to bribing our readers again. Remember Kansur's Kool Kontests (KKK)? And the Oscar pool? And the Super Bowl pool? Now there was an unprecedented spike in viewership. We must strive to regain the luster of our heyday...... or die trying..... <cue ominous music>

Rants and Ravings

• Have you ever been watching the news and some hot newscaster comes on and you're thinking, Damn wouldn't it be great if he/she were naked? Well, wishes can come true. At www.nakednews.com, you can watch the daily news w/ anchors that are completely nude. This is no joke. They present the news just as Tom Brokaw would. They're dead-on serious, yet they're standing there buck-naked. You really gotta admire those performers. The drawback is the chicks there are fugly. There are men too, but they separate men anchors and I don't have the intestinal fortitude to check it out. Hopefully one of our female readers can report back in.
  
  

• Speaking of the news, I'm sure you've all heard that Michael Jordan is coming back. F yes! Tickets for the Lakers and Clippers go on sale October 6. You'd better grab the Wizards game quick, cause they're only in town once to play each team. You can buy season tickets now if you'd like; both the Lakers and Clippers are playoff-bound, baby. As for Jordan's impact, I think the Wizards will grab either the 7th or 8th seed in the weak-ass East. But they just don't have the personnel to get over the hump. At least not this year...
  
  
  
  

• I've been planning to invent a new genre of electronic dance music called Trench for the longest time. My mom couldn't pronounce the word "trance," so she pronounced it as "trench." I thought that was a cool name for a sub-genre, and hence my endeavor was born. I was planning to incorporate elements of trance, jungle, acid house together. Then I realized I have no knowledge of doing this at all. If you want to give it a try, go d/l Fruityloops at www.fruityloops.com. You can layer beats and do all sorts of effects. Once you become famous, just name a track after me and you can have the Trench licensing rights.
  
  

• This week's Sign of the Apocalypse: 
  
  
  
  Yes, a Scooby Doo movie is in the works. Yes, that's Freddie Prinze as Fred. Yes, that's Matthew Lillard as Shaggy. May God have mercy on us all. Sarah Michelle Gellar does look fucking hot as Daphne though. Grrrrrowl!
  
  

• Only a happier note, all is NOT going to hell in Hollywood. Check out the new Lord of the Rings trailer. It is fucking amazing. As I was watching it, I kept saying Holy Shit over and over, reduced to a blubbering idiot. Remember when I boldly predicted LOTR would garner critical and commercial praise and even a Best Picture nomination? Shit, it doesn't seem as outlandish anymore. LOTR will be the movie of the year, hands down. You can grab the fullscreen Quicktime 5 version here. Man, if your jaw doesn't drop open, then you don't have a soul. Here are some screenshots so that I may taunt Rice and his lack of an internet connection. =) J/k! 
  
  
  
  
  
  

Top 10 List: Bands of All-Time (according to Gerry)     

    For this Top 10 list, I had to apply some specific criteria regarding eligibility. 1.) They have to be a band, not a single artist. 2.) They must not suck. 3.) No boy bands allowed. This is purely rock 'n' roll.

    Here's my Top 10 favorite bands of all time. Come on folks, you gotta think I snubbed somebody! Submit your own lists or recommend some bands you felt should've made it.

1.) The Cure - If I was stranded on a deserted island and I could only listen to one CD, it would be "Galore" by The Cure.

    Favorite singles: "Just Like Heaven," "Friday I'm in Love,"

2.) Depeche Mode - I love 80's music. There's always a nostalgic feeling when I hear one of my 80's favorites.

    Favorite singles: "It's No Good," "Policy of Truth"

3.) R.E.M. - Michael Stipe's voice alone sets this band apart from the rest.

    Favorite singles: "What's the Frequency, Kenneth?" "Fire"

4.) The Beatles - I wish I'd had more exposure to oldies bands. My friend recently turned me on to Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, The Doors, and such, but it takes years for me to get attached to a band.

    Favorite singles: "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" "Real Love"

5.) U2 - U2 still rocks, even today. 

    Favorite singles: "One," "With or Without You"

6.) Nirvana - There is a haunting legacy left behind by Kurt Cobain. No one has ever done brooding rock so effectively since Nirvana.

    Favorite singles: "Lithium," "All Apologies"

7.) Smashing Pumpkins - Did you know they broke up? For some reason their sales went way down after Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. Perhaps they depressed people. But I thought they were fucking awesome.

    Favorite singles: "Today," "1979"

8.) Erasure - Erasure's selection represents all the 80's bands I had to cut out of my list, including The Smiths, Duran Duran, and The Clash.

    Favorite singles: "All Through the Years," "Oh, L'amour"

9.) The Offspring - They are the first punk-ish band I ever liked. They totally dominated during the early-mid 90's.

    Favorite singles: "Come Out and Play," "Self-Esteem"

10. Guns N Roses - Axl Rose and Slash are part of the rock and roll pantheon of demigod figures.

    Favorite singles: "November Rain," "Live and Let Die"

*11.) The Beach Boys - Talk about catchy singles! You can go to Mozambique and find someone who knows a Beach Boys song.

    Favorite singles: "I Get Around," "Surfer Girl"

Honorable Mentions - Pearl Jam, Live, Weezer, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Green Day, The Eagles, and yes, even Metallica 

(I've had a beef w/ Metallica ever since they lashed out against Napster. However, I have since made my peace w/ them and lifted the ban of their mp3s on my hard drive.)

*- There is a soft spot in my heart for the Beach Boys. The rock...... in a different sort of way. =)

Pictorial Tribute: Kate Beckinsale