Issue #7 (10-18-01)
by Gerry Wang

Access archives.

I am proudly announcing the inaugural
Rice World Award for Excellence in the Field of Excellency. This will be an honor bestowed upon people who do good deeds for Rice World. Dogfather will be in first recipient of this honor once his MONSTERS, INC. review comes in.

You too can win this award. As you know, I write really lame Top 10 lists. This is why I'd greatly appreciate it if you submitted some of your own. If I pick one of yours to post up in an issue of Gerry's Weird Shit, you will receive the
Rice World Award for Excellence in the Field of Excellency.


Rants and Ravings


Top 10 List: Voice Actors

    One of the most underappreciated jobs in the world is being a voice actor. Most of the time, people don't know the real person behind their favorite cartoon characters, because the characters seem so real. Homer Simpson feels like an old neighbor to me. But did you know the guy who does his voice also does Krusty the Clown? I never would've guessed it. 

    These 10 people deserve some recognition after all these years. A good voice actor makes you believe that his/her character is really alive, and not some actor playing him. Like in Final Fantasy, everyone could tell that was Alec Baldwin schmoozing his way through the movie. W/ the exception of Eddie Murphy, none of these guys are well-known. But who could honestly say that Bugs Bunny hasn't touched their lives?

1.) Mel Blanc --> Looney Tunes - Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Sylvester the Cat, Tweety Bird, Yosemite Sam, Speedy Gonzales, Foghorn Leghorn

2.) Dan Castellaneta --> The Simpsons - Homer Simpson, Grandpa, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, Mayor Quimby

3.) Seth McFarlane --> Family Guy - Peter Griffin, Stewie, Brian

4.) Harry Shearer --> The Simpsons -  Mr. Burns, Smithers, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Rev. Lovejoy, Dr. Hibbert, Kent Brockman

5.) Hank Azaria --> The Simpsons - Apu, Moe, Chief Wiggum, Dr. Nick Riviera, Comic Book Guy

6.) Eddie Murphy --> Mulan, The PJ's, Shrek - The donkey from Shrek, The dragon from Mulan, Thurgood in the PJ's 

7.) Robert Smigel --> TV Funhouse - Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, Talking lips on Conan O'Brien

8.) Mike Judge --> Beavis & Butthead, King of the Hill - Beavis, Butthead, Hank Hill, Boomhauer

9.) Matt Stone & Trey Parker --> South Park - Matt --> Kyle, Kenny, Pip, Philip; Trey --> Stan, Cartman, Mr. Garrison, Terrence

10.) Frank Oz --> Star Wars, The Muppets, Sesame Street - Yoda, Miss Piggy, Bert, Grover, Cookie Monster, Fozzie


Pictorial Tribute: Alicia Witt

Seeing that we've had many different breeds of women here--let's see, we've had Asian, Hispanic, White, brunette, Goth, and Vulcan, respectively--I decided that next in line would be redhead. Naturally, Nikki Cox was the first to pop in mind. But being the rebel that I am, I decided not to go mainstream.


ANSWER:

If you light both ends of one rope, it will burn in exactly a 1/2 hour. Thus, burn one rope from both ends and the other rope from only one end.

Once the one rope (which is burning from both ends) finally burns out (and you know a 1/2 hour has elapsed), you also know that the other rope (which is buring from only one end) has exactly 1/2 hour left to burn.

Since you only want 45 minutes, light the second end of the rope. This remaining piece will burn in 15 minutes. Thus, totaling 45 minutes.