Issue #8 (10-28-01)
by Gerry Wang

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This issue will be short......... to the untrained eye! I spend a lot of time on the NBA Season Preview, and I originally intended to stick it all on Issue #8 and then just let Rice excerpt it like last time. Then I thought about the logistics and I realized it's a phenomenal pain in the ass.

Therefore I will just link you from this issue, rather than stick on 3 pages worth of text for you to sift through. It is already in the Articles section of Rice World. Read it, or perish..... Click!

Rants and Ravings

• Look at that bad motherfucker. Recently, scientists in Niger discovered a near complete skeleton of the Sarcosuchus imperator, a big fucking crocodile. 110 million years ago, this bad boy roamed the African rivers, pulling down dinosaurs for lunch. I'm talking Sauropods here, you know, brachiosaurs. That's fucking huge! The adult Sarcosuchus grew longer than a school bus in length, and weighed 10 tons. Hmm, what's to keep a croc from mutating and growing as big as its ancestor? Yikes! You'd have a real life LAKE PLACID, except that was about an alligator. What's the difference? Mostly the jaw and snout. An alligator's head is wedge shaped, while the crocodile has an elongated jaw and tipped snout. Both are killing machines. Look at the picture on the right. That's a standard-sized crocodile jaw being completely dwarfed by the jaws of the Sarcosuchus. Badass mofos. Click here for more details.
  
  
  
  
  

• Remember when Rice World was on FortuneCity and all of a sudden we started getting these fucking annoying JCPenney pop-up ads? Well, now, it's a thing of the past. This delightful little program will nip a popup in the bud once it manifests itself, and if it doesn't, you can always adjust it so that next time it will recognize the unwanted pop-up. There are are pop-up killing programs out there, not just this one. But this is the one I use. Click on the banner to d/l it for free.
  
  

• I am vexed right now. Terribly vexed. UCLA lost to Stanford today, effectively ending its bid for a National Championship. Barring huge collapses by SEC and Big 12 teams, the Bruins won't be visiting the Rose Bowl this New Year. Everything was looking good. DeShaun Foster was, and is still, having a Heisman-caliber season, and the defense was actually tackling people properly. Now *POOF* all gone. All they had to do was go undefeated this season and the championship was there. Fuck Stanford! Goddamn tree-huggers.

Top 10 List: Cool Bald Guys

    I have many friends who are balding. It's pretty sad. They tell me horror stories about waking up and seeing clumps on hairs on their pillows. It's enough to make a grown man cry. But not enough to make this list! You gotta be a cool cat to make this Top 10 list. You gotta wear your baldness w/ confidence. Don't be sniveling about needing Rogaine! Be a man!

1.) Michael Jordan - The best basketball player ever is back!

2.) Homer Simpson - Best cartoon dad ever.

3.) Barry Bonds - I doubted him the entire season, then he smacked #71 and I fell on my knees in subordinance.

4.) Patrick Stewart - Warp 9, engage! The coolest captain of the USS Enterprise ever.

5.) Vin Diesel - Out of everyone on this list, he's the one I least want to meet in a dark alley.

6.) Bruce Willis - Does this dude make bad movies? Anyone see BANDITS? I didn't.

7.) Jason Alexander - He oughta name his sinking sitcom "George Patterson"

8.) Lex Luthor - I like it when the archnemesis is actually pretty adept.

9.) Mr. Clean - He was supposed to be GWS' spokesperson. But the deal fell through at the last second.

10.) Billy Corgan - The former lead singer of the Smashing Pumpkins.

Pictorial Tribute: Tyra Banks

Wow, black women really are underrepresented in society. I didn't give them a second thought until now, when I was thinking of ways to incorporate affirmative action into Rice World. Heh heh, I say this all w/ a tongue in my cheek, obviously.

Tyra Banks is hands down the hottest black chick in the world. I ain't a racist, but almost all black women I've encountered in my lifetime have been fucking bitch hoes w/ no manners and regard for anyone but themselves. Fuck em. I wish they would all be more like Tyra Banks, who seems sweet and bright.