CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON
Starring: Chow Yun Fat, Michelle Yeoh, Zhang Ziyi, Chang Chen
Directed by: Ang Lee
Distributed by: Sony Pictures Classics

Date: 1/17/01
By: Gerry

    Hello everyone. I'm back w/ my first review in months. I am now a guest writer, so any complaints against foul language and smuttiness will fall on deaf ears. =) After Rice World 4.0 was taken down, it was mutually agreed, though unspoken, that it was time for me to move on. This is RICE World, after all. This is a private website. But it became de-personalized throughout the years. Somehow, the infestation known as Gerry turned a private website into a wannabe Yahoo!. Talk about high hopes.

    But now 5.0 heralds a new direction for Rice World, and I, for one, am extremely pleased at the way it's turned out. But as for my own website, tentatively called Gerry's Weird Shit, well I've hit a few snags. 1.) I'm stupid and don't know shit about making websites. 2.) The stuff that I plagiarized got wiped out when I formatted my computer. 3.) This quarter is my toughest ever and I don't have much time to do anything.

    Damn it, this is exactly what Rice was talking about when he said there was a need to make Rice World more compact. I talk too damn much. Ok, basically, Gerry's Weird Shit is in dire straits and its launch will either be delayed or cancelled. Alright, I was approached to do a movie review and I better get started. Wait, one more thing to say.

"Pull my finger, grasshopper."

    For all those people like me who've fallen head over heels over CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON, you can now buy the Region 3 DVD online. Of course, this means you'd need an all-region DVD player, and I don't know how you go about rigging you current player so that it is. But it probably should work on your DVD-Rom. Please consult www.inmatrix.com regarding that. There are a few vendor sites that I went on that had the DVD and VCD. DVDShelf.com and DDDHouse.com are a couple. Comes out to be around $27 bucks US, including shipping.

    I apologize for the digression(s). Heh heh. Rice probably won't ask me back for another review, eh? I've also watched THE FAMILY MAN recently, and I guarantee I'd go off on another tangent regarding how much Tea Leoni "stimulates" me. =) Ok, here's what I thought of CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON.

    The first thing I'd like to say is, don't bother trying to convert your parents to CTHD-ism. This is a movie that will excite Westerners, as well as younger generation Easterners. But for our parents, this movie ain't nothing they haven't seen before. The awe that we feel while watching CTHD is absent. My parents freakin' grew up w/ this kind of kung fu movie, and my dad still avidly rents wuxia flicks. Our parents have also probably read a lot of the pulp fiction escapist-type literature this movie is based on. So when your mom goes, "It was decent," don't get all offended like I did.

These guys forgot they had weapons.

    But strictly from a naive ABC (American Born Chinese) point of view, CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON was a jaw-dropping, breath-taking, trouser-soiling masterpiece. I've never really sat down and watched any of my dad's Shaolin temple stuff. I've always just scoffed at my parents' Chin dynasty soap operas/dramas. But watching CTHD, I was completely enchanted and taken to a magical ancient China.

    I'm not going to give you a super-detailed plot synopsis, since looking back on past reviews I've done, I realize they've dragged the whole review down. Basically, CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON is a story of unrequited love, past enmities and vendettas, and the discovery of ones' true paths. Director Ang Lee and writer James Schamus incorporates the Western style of grand, sweeping romance and blends it with high-energy Eastern martial arts and folklore, making it one of the most unique pieces of filmmaking to date.

    What kept CTHD from degenerating into THE MATRIX, an action movie w/ no soul, was the deep, layered characterizations, effectively culled from the actors by Ang Lee, who's more known for character pieces rather than action flicks. Chow Yun Fat plays the stoic Li Mu Bai, a Giang Hu warrior who is turning in his badge and retiring, signified by his giving away of the Green Destiny, his trusty mystical sword. Michelle Yeoh is also great as Shu Lien, showing more emotion and acting chops than I've ever seen in her other flicks. Shu Lien is also a Giang Hu member, though she ain't nearly on the level of Li Mu Bai. She mostly deals w/ domestic disputes, while Li Mu Bai is a veteran of many wars and battles. 

When you gotta go in woods, you gotta go...

    I had to ask my dad this, so I'll assume you also aren't familiar with the Giang Hu concept. According to my dad, if I understood him right, the Giang Hu was sort of like an underground, mercenary-like society. Sort of like samurais, who attach themselves to a feudal lord. Sometimes they fight for good, sometimes their intent is bad. But it's a society much like the Mafia. You're in it for life, and you live a life of solitude, as a wanderer. The Chinese culture romanticizes the Giang Hu, seeing it like how we'd see cowboys of the Wild West. They're unbound by the normal societal restraints and laws. They're individuals.

    In CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON, a young girl of high rank has been read countless stories about the rugged Giang Hu, and admires them so much that she dreams of being a member. You see, she has to live the stuffy life of an aristocrat, w/ their heavy headdresses and constrictive clothes. She has to always watch her manners and to perform the rites and rituals expected of her. But the real stinker is that she's betrothed to someone else, some stranger that her parents picked out for her to enhance her family's status. What a shitty life! Who'd blame her for wanting to get away?

    We eventually learn that this young girl, Jen, played by the goddess Zhang Ziyi, lives a secret life. Her alter ego is a disciple of the master criminal Jade Fox, wanted throughout the land. She moonlights in disguise as Jen's governess, and since Jen was a child Jade Fox's has been teaching her the skills of the Wudan martial arts, from a manuscript she'd stolen. When Jen puts her talent to use, people are awakened to Jade Fox's presence in the compound, and no one wants her dead more than Li Mu Bai. Fuckin' awesome.........

What the hell? They had bras back then?  Show me some nipple damn it.

    I think what really made me go ga-ga over this movie was Zhang Ziyi's remarkable screen presence. First off, she's freakin' beautiful, like a porcelain china doll. I dunno how her body looks, but you fall in love w/ her long, soft hair and perfect face. Secondly, she can fuckin' act. She's a bonafide actress trained in Beijing, and here she is holding her own against legendary actors like Chow Yun Fat and Michelle Yeoh. She brought to her role as Jen a sort of pixie-ish, spritely aura. I'm not sure how to explain it. But right off the bat there's a certain mystery about her that really never gets explained. You just sort of wonder how she possesses such immense martial arts skills, almost surpassing Li Mu Bai himself.

    There's also the empathy aspect. She finds her true love in the Gobi desert, a barbarian thug named Lo who masquerades as a bandit. He's played by Chang Chen and there's a real spark and chemistry between him and Zhang Ziyi. It's a forbidden love, ala Romeo & Juliet, and they both know it could never be. But you really root for this couple. They have some really hilarious and belligerent scenes together that just cements their relationship. There's also a nifty love scene where he fingers her clit and then reaches under her shirt. The real payoff is that we get to see Zhang Ziyi's silky, delicate legs.

    Hmm, that's probably why I'm a guest writer again huh........ too raunchy.......

Me love you long time.

    CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON is a movie that has something for everyone. Chicks will dig the sissy love story and romantic crap. Hell, even I found myself sorta affected by it. But guys will flock to this movie to watch the fights. Choreographed by Yuen Woo-ping, the guy who tried his best to make us believe Keanu could do kung-fu, CTHD boasts some of fastest, most phrenetic hand-to-hand combat I've ever seen. It's like watching a goddamn ballet, w/ all the jumping and pirouetting.

    My favorite moment is when Jade Fox is having her way w/ an adversary, and Li Mu Bai soars in to the the rescue, then shows off his stuff. Jade Fox ain't nothing but cake to someone of his caliber. He whups her ass w/ the greatest of ease, but is prevented from killing her when her disciple flies in, brandishing the Green Destiny. When he goes, Who are you, why do you have the Green Destiny, she replies something like, What's it to you? And he goes, I'm Li Mu Bai, and you have my sword. Then the camera cuts to the mysterious disciple's face as she recognizes that name and its majesty, and is at once bent on destroying him and revering him at the same time.

    That's Ang Lee for ya. Don't miss this movie. It's not a movie full of wooden cutouts. It's full of great little moments like the one I just mentioned. That's what makes it linger in your mind. Look for CTHD to make a name at the Oscars. Here's some gratuitous screen shots:

If I was on the moon, I can do the same thing.

Li Mu Bai (Chow Yun Fat) is a total fucking badass.

This ain't digital folks. Just really tall cranes and wires.

They had telescopes but no running water.

S-s-sucky, s-s-s-sucky.

Grade: A+
-- One of the best movies I have ever seen. Should become the landmark film that bridges Eastern and Western movie genres.
-- ENGLISH PATIENT meets Eastern wuxia

Babe-o-meter: A
-- How Michelle Yeoh won Miss Malaysia, I don't know. But Zhang Ziyi mesmerizes me to this day.