HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S STONE
Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson
Directed by: Chris Columbus
Distributed by: Warner Bros.

Date: 11/17/01
By: Gerry Wang

    Before HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S STONE ever came on the screen, I was already in a foul mood, and was ready to refund my tickets and call it a day. 

    1.) I'd gotten there 2 and a half hours early to be first in line, and then I was told, about 2 hours later that  I wasn't in the line at all, which was actually diverted outside the theater lobby. No one told me of this. We raised a stink and was allowed to cut in. But I was pissed at the rudeness of the fucking spics working there.

    2.) The whole night woulda been just fine if the recent "Forbidden Love" trailer for STAR WARS: EPISODE II - Attack of the Clones was shown. But no, AMC gypped me, despite the fact I called the day before to make sure the AOTC trailer was attached to HARRY POTTER. Fuck AMC. They'd rather show me the trailer to the fucking Tim Allen-gets-kicked-in-the-crotch piece of shit.  

(NOTE: By the way, if you want me to upload the 640 version of the "Forbidden Love" trailer, I'll link to it through the message board. Please let me know.)

    3.) Never try to eat a large popcorn on your own. Just thinking about the butter is making me nauseous this very moment. Ugh.

Scariest game of chess every played.

    So as you can see, I was plenty pissed before HARRY POTTER came on. But you know what? That anger melted away, because 2 and a half hours later, I'd just seen the best movie of the year (thus far, since the verdict on THE LORD OF THE RINGS is still out). Trust me folks, you don't need to be a bookworm little kid to enjoy this delightful movie.

    Keep in mind I had no prior knowledge at all of HARRY POTTER. All I knew was that every damn kid I knew from age 7-15 read the series avidly, and apparently they're part of some big-ass international cult. I've always wondered what all the fuss was about. The story is about a boy who becomes a wizard. How many friggin fantasy series have that premise?

Hermione is the best spell-caster of the lot.

    But you know what? I've already placed my order on www.bn.com. Right now on Barnes & Noble, you can get free shipping if you buy 2 or more items. I bought the first three HARRY POTTER books on paperback, and the total was a shade over 15 bucks! I'm cramping from patting myself on the back. Needless to say, I am now a Harry Potter convert.

    I think I've written in the past about how quest formulas in movies appeal to the audience's deepest sense of adventure. Here, an orphan is raised for 11 years under the rule of his oppressive and abusive relatives, completely oblivious to his destiny. However, he can do things, magic things, that he just can't explain until one day, a big giant takes him from his relatives and his journey begins. 

Richard Harris as Dumbledore.

    Along the way, Harry meets fellow wizards that join him on his quest, Ron and Hermione, and together they encounter monsters like a centaur and a 3 headed dog. Eventually Harry has to face his mortal nemesis, Lord Voldemort, who killed his parents. This is really a coming of age quest, as Harry breaks free from his dreary existence to discover his true calling. Sweet formula, ain't it?

    The real strength of HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S STONE is the superb cast, almost entirely comprised of Brits. All the main characters are British, and their wry manner lends the movie a lot of charm. I actually watch a lot of British comedy, come to think of it. Ever since I was a kid, I've been watching Benny Hill and laughing my ass off. I still love Monty Python. They rule. There was this other show on PBS I used to watch regularly, but I forgot what it was. It had Rowan Atkinson (BEAN) in it.

Maggie Smith as McGonagall.

    Anyway, I digress. The HARRY POTTER cast was the glue of the movie, starting with the kids. Daniel Radcliffe was born to play Harry Potter, but it's his sidekicks Ron, played by Rupert Grint, and Hermione, played by the adorable Emma Watson, that really steal the show. Ron can make you laugh just by scrunching up his face in befuddlement, and Hermione is the lil' miss know-it-all who comes in handy when you need her. She ain't no damsel in distress!

    The rest of the British cast was marvelous. Accomplished veteran actors like Richard Harris (Albus Dumbledore) and Maggie Smith (Mrs. McGonagall) lend a certain gravitas to the proceedings, and you also have the always excellent Alan Rickman as the conniving Professor Snape and Robbie Coltrane as the hulking giant Hagrid. Each actor seems to know exactly the right way to deliver their lines, as if the role was written specifically for them.

Daniel Potter, I mean Harry Radcliffe.

    Of course, brilliant actors wouldn't shine w/o the proper directing and writing. Working w/ Steven Kloves' excellent adapted screenplay, director Chris Columbus imbues HARRY POTTER w/ an aura of fantasy and magic. They really worked hard on staying faithful to J.K. Rowling's book, and I applaud them for this. How many times have you seen a movie version of a book completely butcher the original work? Jurassic Park? Every fucking John Grisham book? 

    HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S STONE is a great movie as a standalone; it is a masterpiece for the diehard Rowling fans. Kloves and Columbus will be up for Oscars this March. This movie succeeds because they don't reduce it to the lowest denominator by lightening it up. The movie is pretty dark and little kids will be downright scared. But that doesn't mean they won't enjoy it.

Everyone has a big erection.

    You really have to commend every aspect of the film. It's stuffed to the brim w/ detailed sets and special effects, which mesh in w/ the story seamlessly. The quidditch (hockey/polo/rugby played in the air on broomsticks) set piece got my adrenaline pumping, and the Dark Forest spooked me. The Hogwarts castle/fortress was a character in itself, and once you step foot in Diagon Alley, you know you're in another world.

    And lets not fail to mention John Williams' score. The best movie composer of all time has done it again, w/ his best work since STAR WARS: EPISODE I - The Phantom Menace. The score completely captured the universe where wizards, witches, goblins, unicorns, trolls, and dragons co-exist. I think I'll go out and buy the soundtrack, along w/ the LORD OF THE RINGS soundtrack, which is also Howard Shore's career peak. I digress again.

I loved Ron and Hermione. They should have their own movie.

    Go watch Harry Potter, and when you're done, go read the book if you haven't done so. I pity those who haven't given into Harry Potter's spell. Can't wait till HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS comes out next year. They've already begun production. Count me in.

Grade: A
-- Wonderful fairy tale. Makes me long for my childhood, where I'd be completely enthralled with this movie. As an adult, it is still a magical piece of entertainment.

Babe-o-meter: N/A
-- Of course there's no babes in Harry Potter. But Hermione's gonna grow up to be a heartbreaker. =)