MONSTER'S BALL
Starring: Billy Bob Thornton, Halle Berry
Directed by: Marc Forster
Distributed by: Lions Gate Films

Date: 03/23/02
By: Gerry Wang

    Wow, did this movie get hyped or what? This was Roger Ebert's #1 movie of 2001. Halle Berry is considered a dark horse to win the Best Actress Oscar. I think the screenplay is nominated as well. What's going on? This movie wasn't even that good! It does have an important message that it brings across quite successfully, but honestly, MONSTER'S BALL resembled a TV-movie w/ one exception: great sex scenes.

    I will say this, MONSTER'S BALL's sex scenes are worth the rental. In the beginning, we get to see Heath Ledger doing doggie style standing up w/ a hooker. But the real centerpiece of this movie, and what makes it worthwhile, is the interracial love scene between Billy Bob and Halle Berry. I think this sex scene is one of the greatest ever filmed. Let me justify why:

P. Diddy was fantastic in this role.

    1.) This is a famous actress doing soft-core pornography. This ain't no bottom-tier celebrity like Shannon Tweed, who does this type of shit on Showtime and Cinemax for a living. This is Halle Berry! One of the top 5 best looking black women out there. We get to see her tits and ass, and maybe a little pubic hair, I don't remember. Regardless, we get plenty of shots of the nudity, and they're nice and wide so we know it's not a body double.

    2.) Variety of positions. The sex scene took place on the couch. Let's see, I remember there was doggy style, missionary with Billy Bob on his knees on the ground and then w/ both lying on the couch. Then the Halle Berry orgasm took place w/ both of them of the ground as she rode Billy Bob's cock. I have a feeling they trimmed a lot of the scene, eliminating thrusting and brief fellatio, because we barely get a quick glimpse of Halle Berry bending over about to do some sucky sucky.

    3.) Length of duration. This scene lasted about 3 minutes, or roughly 2 minutes longer than Billy Bob lasts w/ his fucking gorgeous wife Angelina Jolie. I hate Billy Bob w/ a passion, heh heh. He gets to pump too many hot chicks. Fucking redneck motherfucker. Anyway, a problem w/ many sex scenes these days is that they're barely 30-40 seconds long. There's no foreplay, no penetration, and you blink and it's the morning after as they lay snuggly in bed w/ the sheets conveniently covering up private parts. In MONSTER'S BALL, there are no fucking sheets to get in your way.

Dead man walkin'

    So what's the movie about besides trailer-trash lovin'? Not much. This is a movie about racism and how it becomes so embedded in your lifestyle and schema that it becomes second nature. MONSTER'S BALL tries to show that even though you are racist, you may not necessarily be a bad person. In fact, you can be racist and still have plenty of honor.

    Case in point: Billy Bob is about to execute Puff Daddy when Heath Ledger, who plays his son, pukes. Later, Billy Bob kicks his son's ass in the restroom because he fucked up someone's final walk. Even though Billy Bob is racist and hates black people, he still believes in their right to die w/ honor, and someone puking during the walk on the green mile tarnishes that honor.

Three generations of racist bastards.

    This is also a movie about poverty. Halle Berry is poor and lives in a home that's about to be evicted. Her piece of shit car has broken down to the point of no return, rendering her unable to work, and on top of that her son is dangerously obese. Did I mention her husband is about to be executed? Eventually, her poverty makes her have to move in w/ Billy Bob. Huh?

    MONSTER'S BALL is also about a man's personal journey towards self-enlightenment. Billy Bob comes to realize racism is deeply ingrained in him by his father, whose racism was deeply ingrained in him by his father, and so on and so forth. His son, Heath Ledger, is NOT like him, and Billy Bob both hates him and admires him for this.

Billy Bob gets to pump too many fine chicks.

    I wouldn't have as much of a problem w/ MONSTER'S BALL if they didn't lay on the symbolism so thick and pile on so much melodramatic coincidences. I also think Halle Berry was too beautiful for this role. I just couldn't sympathize for her character, because the whole you never buy into how someone that good looking could be so impoverished. Plus all the males in the audience were just drumming their fingers impatiently waiting for the infamous sex scene. =)

    I have a better idea. Don't watch MONSTER'S BALL. It's too damn preachy and high n' mighty. Just go download the sex scene from Morpheus. It's worth it.

That boy probably weighs more than Billy Bob.

Grade: B-
-- One of those love-it-or-hate-it movies. It tried to bludgeon me w/ its message while I was just waiting for the good stuff.

Babe-o-meter: A
-- Halle Berry in a variety of sexual positions. Nice and graphic nudity. Awesome.